Sunday, May 24, 2015

Here is the proof

As a follow up to my last post on motherhood.

Tonight I was feeling a bit sad and sorry for myself. It's nearly holidays and everyone has a cold. You know. It's just that sad and sorry time of year.

Anyway, Lu had just started to feel wheezy. She has undiagnosed asthma* and I went to go get her puffer. As is likely to happen with small children I found the medicine parts stored away on top of the fridge, but the spacer was nowhere to be found.

I seached high and low feeling super worried that my little girl may soon find it increasingly harder to breathe. I looked and looked but I couldn't find it. I started to well up. What a bad mum. 

And then I heard footsteps.

"Have you found my puffer?" The little voice asked.
I said that I had not.
"Is your chest hurting too Mama? You look sad." She said.

I like to be honest with my kiddo. I hope it means she wont feel weird if she feels the same things.
"No, I'm not sick like that. Mamas just sad because I feel like I'm not doing a good job of being a Mama."
"Why do you feel like that?"
"Well, because I can't find your puffer and if I can't do that I can't look after you properly."

There was a pause but not much of one.

"It looks like you're a great Mama. I think that you're doing a great job."

My heart broke. Out of the mouths of babes.
You know, she is one of only two people who can tell me that and I know for a fact it is true.
So I'd better believe it.

Crisis was averted. Myl fortuitously walked in the door early from work and popped to the chemist for another spacer and my little girl is sleeping safely tucked up in her blankets.

I'm sitting her feeling humbled and thankful.




*Undiagnosed because she is under 5 and they don't diagnose it that young.

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