Monday, March 13, 2017

3 - thirty one

So there's this thing that happens when you have a baby for the third time. It's called not taking any bump shots till you are pretty embarrassingly far along. I actually have some shots from about 21 weeks but the other thing about having a baby for the third time is that Sunday night blogging sessions have been replaced with Sunday night naps in front of Netflix. Ah, progress.

So anyway, here are some shots from my 31st week of pregnancy with Tiny. Hopefully this will kickstart a flurry of blogging activity but to be frank, it probably wont.

Thirty one weeks has gone so quickly. It's been a really big journey that I would love to write about another time. So many emotions. So many afternoon naps.

But for now I sit writing this feeling all kinds of arms and legs moving inside my tummy and I feel thankful for the tears and sorrow, the joy and laughter, the kicks, the heartburn, the crazy sore hips and the little kisses Tiny's sisters are always planting on my tummy. I'm thankful to God who has brought me safe thus far and taught me so much about joy as tears poured down my face.

So here's some photos that I'm glad I took as a reminder of the goodness of God. Not just in giving me this Tiny gift that I had prayed for but being good even when he didn't.

And also just to remember that bump!
Photos (and kisses) by Lu - who did not realise she had cut off my head in the last one.

If you'd like to see some much older baby bump photos, click here.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

a sigh of relief

Lately I've been reflecting on life and babies and how uncertain those two things mixed together can be. The ideas that I've tried to write about below have been milling around in my brain and I really wanted to write them out into something. This might trigger some tough stuff for you so if you would like to talk, send me an email, I'd love to hear from you. It's very easy to feel very alone. 

two pink lines and a heart filled with hope
months of trying, you breathe, a sigh of relief.
But hope can be short lived, a day or two it's over
tears fall in secret, those lines forever written on your heart.

But at last we've made it to a round swelling belly
we're telling our friends, we're so excited we say
at last we can breathe that sigh of relief, we've made it this far
We're safe and in the clear just smooth sailing ahead
but I can't feel the kicking, the dread sets in
I'm holding that breath in and praying for our life.

A sigh of relief a small baby in my arms
ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes
But breathings not an option when that baby struggles to do so
I can't let my guard down when this tiny one is mine.

The years trickle by and there's more to hold my breath for
Walking, running, jumping theres so much danger all around
I can't breathe, I can't breathe for all the things I fear
There's no sigh of relief when I hear the stories
How will I screw my child up? What should they know?
What should they do?

I breath a sigh of relief, I've made it, to see their first day at school.
Pigtailed and beaming they run through the class door.
But the breath gets short when I see my baby bullied
my baby feeling shame for the beauty that they are.

They grow and they adapt but the breathing's never easy
I feel my breath grow short thinking of what lies ahead.
But one day I assure myself I'll breath that sigh of relief
when they're safely out of home, married, wealthy, happy and safe.

But inside my heart I know that I'll always be watching
I know that day of relief will never really come.
I stare at those two lines filled with fear at what lies before me
or what doesn't and that fills me with fear all the same.

But then a voice comes to greet me
soft and gentle, firm and loud
I am the Breath of Life he says
come to me and breathe.

You can trust me with your baby
You can trust me with your life
You can trust me with your every breath whatever comes your way.

For I thought you up
I made you
I love you and
I saved you.

I gave you breath that you might breathe.

When sorrow comes your way
know this my child that I will never breathe a sigh of relief till you are safe at home.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

call me mama rabbit

This kid.

She's got a killer sense of humour, a goofy laugh and a wild imagination.
Some days she is a human little girl but most of the time she is a rabbit.
Or a puppy, or a cat.

But mostly a rabbit.

With paws held in front of her she hops about the place sniffing at things and requesting carrots.
She leaps about with lifelike accuracy despite her non-bunny size.

Sometimes she will come jump on mummy bunny and give me a little bunny lick (yay).

Sometimes the bunny will not get dressed because, "bunnies don't wear clothes."
It is very hard to argue with this one.

The bunny also likes to hop around at the shops. The bunny gets dirt on her knees and hands. Then the bunny wipes her face and looks like a poor gutter child. The bunny's mother looks like a neglectful parent.
The bunny takes a very long time to hop anywhere and often goes for a fun ride in the bunny car at the grocery shops. (See above)
The bunny likes the bunny car and shrieks about it to everyone she sees in the shops.
This is pretty adorable.

The bunny also talks about herself in the third person. Like Elmo.
"The bunny is tired" or
"The bunny wants a carrot" or
"The bunny loves his (always his) mummy bunny."  M


But the best thing the bunny does is eat bunny food.

It was a magical parenting moment when I offered the bunny a large piece of lettuce naming it Bunny Food. The eyes of that little rabbit lit up and she gobbled up the whole thing.
The bunny can stay.