Wednesday, March 9, 2016

a sigh of relief

Lately I've been reflecting on life and babies and how uncertain those two things mixed together can be. The ideas that I've tried to write about below have been milling around in my brain and I really wanted to write them out into something. This might trigger some tough stuff for you so if you would like to talk, send me an email, I'd love to hear from you. It's very easy to feel very alone. 

two pink lines and a heart filled with hope
months of trying, you breathe, a sigh of relief.
But hope can be short lived, a day or two it's over
tears fall in secret, those lines forever written on your heart.

But at last we've made it to a round swelling belly
we're telling our friends, we're so excited we say
at last we can breathe that sigh of relief, we've made it this far
We're safe and in the clear just smooth sailing ahead
but I can't feel the kicking, the dread sets in
I'm holding that breath in and praying for our life.

A sigh of relief a small baby in my arms
ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes
But breathings not an option when that baby struggles to do so
I can't let my guard down when this tiny one is mine.

The years trickle by and there's more to hold my breath for
Walking, running, jumping theres so much danger all around
I can't breathe, I can't breathe for all the things I fear
There's no sigh of relief when I hear the stories
How will I screw my child up? What should they know?
What should they do?

I breath a sigh of relief, I've made it, to see their first day at school.
Pigtailed and beaming they run through the class door.
But the breath gets short when I see my baby bullied
my baby feeling shame for the beauty that they are.

They grow and they adapt but the breathing's never easy
I feel my breath grow short thinking of what lies ahead.
But one day I assure myself I'll breath that sigh of relief
when they're safely out of home, married, wealthy, happy and safe.

But inside my heart I know that I'll always be watching
I know that day of relief will never really come.
I stare at those two lines filled with fear at what lies before me
or what doesn't and that fills me with fear all the same.

But then a voice comes to greet me
soft and gentle, firm and loud
I am the Breath of Life he says
come to me and breathe.

You can trust me with your baby
You can trust me with your life
You can trust me with your every breath whatever comes your way.

For I thought you up
I made you
I love you and
I saved you.

I gave you breath that you might breathe.

When sorrow comes your way
know this my child that I will never breathe a sigh of relief till you are safe at home.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

call me mama rabbit

This kid.

She's got a killer sense of humour, a goofy laugh and a wild imagination.
Some days she is a human little girl but most of the time she is a rabbit.
Or a puppy, or a cat.

But mostly a rabbit.

With paws held in front of her she hops about the place sniffing at things and requesting carrots.
She leaps about with lifelike accuracy despite her non-bunny size.

Sometimes she will come jump on mummy bunny and give me a little bunny lick (yay).

Sometimes the bunny will not get dressed because, "bunnies don't wear clothes."
It is very hard to argue with this one.

The bunny also likes to hop around at the shops. The bunny gets dirt on her knees and hands. Then the bunny wipes her face and looks like a poor gutter child. The bunny's mother looks like a neglectful parent.
The bunny takes a very long time to hop anywhere and often goes for a fun ride in the bunny car at the grocery shops. (See above)
The bunny likes the bunny car and shrieks about it to everyone she sees in the shops.
This is pretty adorable.

The bunny also talks about herself in the third person. Like Elmo.
"The bunny is tired" or
"The bunny wants a carrot" or
"The bunny loves his (always his) mummy bunny."  M


But the best thing the bunny does is eat bunny food.

It was a magical parenting moment when I offered the bunny a large piece of lettuce naming it Bunny Food. The eyes of that little rabbit lit up and she gobbled up the whole thing.
The bunny can stay.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Gettin' Swizzy

Before Christmas I recorded a little cover of Taylor Swifts "Blank Space."
It was a fun little challenge turning a poppy power song into a 6/8 folk ballad.

Enjoy, and as always, forgive the dodgy quality of everything. I set myself the challenge of getting the whole thing done in one evening after getting two squealy girls to bed.


Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Crimmis 2015

Yeh, it was ages ago but here are some pictures.

We ended up having a bit of a quiet one on Christmas day for lots of different reasons.
After the crazy of moving house it was kinda nice to just kick back the four of us.
I know it gets said a lot but Christmas becomes so much more fun when you have kids.
I can remember as an older teen and young adult thinking Christmas had become really boring but you should have seen me on Christmas eve wrapping presents and getting giddy over how excited the girls would be in the morning. I had decorated the house with a suitable amount of kitsch, dressed up the tree with its bright flashy lights and eaten the leftover lollies from the advent calendar.
I see you tasty starburst.

In the morning everyone slept in.
Praise the Lord we have not reached crazy early Christmas wake up time yet.
And praise the Lord for Christmas Eve services that run late and keep the kiddos up so that they take the aforementioned sleep in.

So, we barely managed to open presents before rushing off to church clad in our brand spankin' Christmas dresses. Aaaaaaaaand we may have eaten lollies and chocolate for breakfast. #itschristmas

After church we built Lego. I know right, such a chore. I don't think the girls were actually allowed to touch the lego for a good hour or so. Myl took the Cinderella castle and I took the Elven bakery. Took me right back to the Christmas of long ago.
I'm sure my parents built my Lego stuff too.

And then we ate.

I think I made enough food for about 15 people. #itschristmas

It was all pretty delicious and after it we decended into a food coma on the lounge.

The girls and I made a sponge cake (my first) to celebrate Jesus' birthday.
We blew out the candles and Smalls wondered when Jesus was showing up.
She kept looking around and was a bit confused that we were blowing out his candles and singing him happy birthday when he clearly was not there. She thought it was hilarious.

Cheers JC. Thanks for being born!

Tuesday, February 23, 2016


Here's a little video I made of all the fun we had last year.

The song is by Winterbourne who we saw many times busking in the Pitt St Mall. It brings so many happy 2015 memories.
We've already raced into 2016 but I've been reflecting on the year that was.
It was a pretty difficult year for our family.
So much was up in the air for so much of the year.
It felt like we were living in constant limbo unable to dig in but unable to get excited about the next adventure.

It would be easy to look back at the year and say it was all bad.
Our minds often work that way.
It's easier to think on the negative but this video reminds me of the fun.
We went on holidays and adventures.
We lazed about and pulled crazy faces.

It was a hard year but a year where we grew so much.

Monday, February 22, 2016


The girls invented a little game to be played in the car this week.

It's a slight variation on the game Spotto in which you look out the car window for yellow coloured cars. When you spot a yellow car, you yell out "Spotto!" and then you win.
Sounds fun? You ain't see nothing yet.

This new game, let's call it Boom.
Well, it starts out quite similarly. You look out your car window searching for yellow coloured cars but when you spot them you tell every member in the car and then together you shout "BOOM!"
It is very important that every person driving in the car say BOOM. Otherwise the game is pointless and people start forming very strongly worded opinions.

Anyway, the fun doesn't stop there. Once every person in the car has said BOOM the car explodes.
Not the car you're driving in, the yellow car. It explodes.

Not literally, gosh guys do you have no imagination?

But it does, it explodes.

It was at this point that I felt I needed to ask the inventor of the game a carefully worded question.

"Do you think that perhaps this game might not be so fun for the people riding in the yellow cars?" I ask, not quite sure whether the answer may reveal my almost five-year-old to be an emerging psychopath.

She of course has an answer for everything.

"Oh mum, (said in an incredibly condescending tone) they get donkeys. Donkeys appear for them to ride on."


So all over town, previous occupants of yellow cars can now be seen riding donkeys like our dear Lord Jesus through the streets of Jerusalem.

Things really got interesting when we pulled up next to a bright yellow hoon-mobile at the lights. It's occupants were busy drinking Tooheys New and making slightly rude hand gestures at their mate who was standing on the side of the road. He was replying with (ahem) a humorous display of his (ahem) manhood.

Anyway, of course the girls could not miss this display of citrine conveyance and we all together shouted out "BOOM!"

And for the next few minutes entertained ourselves with a giggle fest imagining these big tattoed delinquents riding on the backs of braying donkeys down the street.