Well. Before I had kids and even before I had two kids I thought I would never be the mum who preferred a nice quiet home activity over a day out and about.
It's all different now. I cling on to my day trips out to the shopping centre or the city with my bleeding nails but I think it might be time to give them up for just a few months... or years.
Little Lu got lugged everywhere with us when she was little. She would sleep in the car or in the baby carrier. We would be out late, go to restaurants, cafes, art galleries. We'd be out all day and she'd cope like a pro. We'd go grocery shopping or clothes shopping, we'd go to IKEA and Spotlight. She'd just tag along.
Now, theres two of them. I'm totally outnumbered. Way out of my depth. On the brink of becoming the lady siting in aisle 12 rocking and crying.
I can't even pinpoint what it is about being out and about that sends me into spasms of terror and causes me to doubt my abilities as a functioning member of society. Something about the decibels a baby hits when she wants to be asleep, is warm, fed, clean, has music and a teddy, a dark stroller and an inability to nod off.
I'm that mum. The one in the shops casting the withering glances round the room. The one calling out her child's name for the fifty-zillionth time because we are "playing hide and seek" and all of a sudden she has gotten really good at the hiding thing.
That mum. The one who all the older mothers look at and remember the days that are thankfully well behind them. The ones who point out said hiding child in a shelf behind a large box, who help me carry the stroller down stairs (bless 'em) and throw a kind smile my way.
I'm that mum.
I do my grocery shopping online. ONLINE! Says the girl who loves grocery shopping and thought online was a total copout.
"Grocery shopping is great for kids." I said. "It teaches them about food, and money management. It's a lovely bonding experience between mother and child."
Now I say, "Get me the heck home! I'm going to abandon my trolley and maybe children here in the fresh produce so help me!"
Arrow prayers sent up to our dear Lord appear to fall on deaf ears or perhaps cannot be heard above the screaming of a baby who is done with sitting in the trolley and wants to be carried or the whining of a three year old who wishes it were time to get an ice cream.
It's then when I send a hasty text message to Myl.
"Leaving home was a bad choice."
And then when we're all at home with cabin fever I think to myself "this time it won't be so bad." The kids are a little older and Smalls has just had a nap. I tell Lu we are going on an adventure and the lights shine in her eyes.
But no. As we sit down at our lunch table laden with Swedish meatballs I hear the old familiar words.
"I need to do a wee."
Now you might wonder what a person does in this situation.
After cursing myself for not asking before we had chosen and purchased our ever-getting-cold lunch. I pack everyone back into the stroller, ask the most friendly person nearby to watch our food so it doesn't get taken by the staff and bolt to the bathrooms.
|playing doctors at IKEA. "You have to go to sleep." Says Lu. Mama says Yes.|
What was your thing that you said you'd never do as a parent?